Lace
by Rosalie Storm
Summary: What happens when you get bored and you decide to make a few dead men and a Teleporter horny? Uhhh...This? Tempted to make a continue, dependent on the reviews!


**Who **_**wouldn't **_**like to see a room full of hot guys…Wait. I'm spoiling this. **

** is what happens when you are bored, and want to turn on a lot of Skulduggery Characters all at the same time. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.**

**X….**

The stomp of footsteps pounding through a Detectives house were like cracks of thunder, heading straight for said Detective's living room. They roared and thudded down the stairs, sending shockwaves burning through the house at the sudden young lady's fury. She wore nothing but her lace underwear, but she knew the detective had seen more of her than that - Accidentally. But it was his fault for bringing this upon him if he was somewhat shocked when she would burst into the room. He _had _of course, stolen her clothes after all whilst she was in the shower.

She reached the bottom floor of his house, pausing at the bottom of the stairs to crack her knuckles loudly. There was nothing but silence down here, therefore the Detective knew he was being chased by the devil's fury. Her feet were cold against the floor - But the carpet warmed them. She listened for the smallest of sounds as she neared the door to the living room. There was muttering, and she automatically presumed it was the T.V. Whatever it was, she didn't care. She wanted a certain skeleton's head, immediately. He had stolen her clothes in another one of his little 'Pranks'. She was going to murder him. Brutally.

The door burst open, pure fury leaking through as the young woman entered, and her hands burned alight with flames. "_Skulduggery Pleasant, what have you done with- Holy Jesus- What the hell?!_"

"_Well._" Dexter Vex drawled out. "You did _not_ lie when you said she had a figure."

"Nope." Said a Ghastly with a fair eyebrow arched, Sitting back in the sofa.

"What the _hell_?!" Valkyrie roared. "What's this about?!" She turned, tried to open the door but it refused to budge.

"I didn't lie, did I?" Skulduggery said, too smugly for his own good.

"But by god. That chest." Ravel said, eyes wide and Valkyrie turned viciously.

"I know right?!" Dexter grinned - A perfect Joey impression from friends. Valkyrie had loved hearing it whenever she could get him to, but now it just seemed darn well appalling. All the dead men, including Fletcher, were sat in Skulduggery's living room. Staring at Valkyrie Cain, almost naked. This was just appalling, humiliating, and Valkyrie was going to make him pay for it. She was going to make Mr Pleasant, who was currently sat smugly in a chair, pay for his crimes.

Even Saracen Rue was sat there, A mop of dark hair and stubble were his main features. Middle aged looking, of course. He looked older than the rest of them, but he had just the same mentality. He was just as much as a play boy as Vex, he didn't allow it to be as noticeable, however. He was sly, and that was what she had liked about him. He was a cat, much to the likeness of Skulduggery. He got what he wanted, when he wanted it. And if he had a secret, he'd take it to the grave.

Anton Shudder was there, too. How, was another question entirely. He had the hotel, after all. And it was a rule he didn't leave it. But now he too was sat in the living room, on a chair, perfectly sat. Slightly slouched, but not obviously. His long dark hair tumbled over the shoulders of that beautiful, grey coat. It was almost pirate like, and decorated with fine embroidery. Everything Shudder wore, of course, made him look very old fashioned, almost vintage. His boots matched the style of his coat, and those boots were currently splayed away from each other due to the position of his legs. Which were open, giving the impression of a king.

Vex sat with one ankle resting on one knee, his blonde hair ruffled in that usual sexy way of his. His cheeks were slightly pink, taking in the sight of the Irish lady was overwhelming even for him. His blue eyes glistened like pure sapphire's in his skull. The black shirt seemed to have affect on his complexion, darkening it, almost like he was tanned. It was opened quite a way at the collar. Far bellow the collar bones and shoulders that radiated his strength and appeal. Almost to the centre of his chest, really. He wore tight black suit bottoms, that made him look lean and agile. His shoes, smart and polished like Skulduggery's. He watched her with a welcoming charm in those eyes, evident by a certain glisten of white hot light and a burning smirk.

Ghastly sat with that boxer's trait. Always tense. Always ready to fight. His scars were lethal, but they gave the over all impression of a bad, dangerous man. A man that cared, but a man that could easily loose that care - and pick up a knife at that too. He wore a white shirt, tight as it were around his muscles and again, making that air of danger red hot around him. Dusty, beaten old jeans and a rough pair of shoes he obviously made, crafted around converse. Black to finish off the look. His sleeves were rolled up, and like the rest of them, he was grinning at Valkyrie. She thought he'd be the most mature out of all of them, but that wasn't how it turned out to be right at that moment. No, Ghastly was enjoying this just as much as they all were.

Ravel, the grand mage, sat on the sofa relaxed with his arms behind his head, was wearing the same smirk as Dexter. And was dressed in a deep, blood red shirt with ruffles at the collar. Much like Shudder, but he wore black to deepen the look. His shoes, matched Skulduggery's, and his hair was slightly less tamed than usual. Ravel's legs were open, like everyone else's save a few, but Valkyrie noticed something else. Mr Ravel was ever so slightly turned on at the sight. It wasn't obvious, but it wasn't hidden either. The Grand mage was smirking, but also biting his lip nervously. He was slightly caught in her, and Valkyrie thought that was something to be proud of. After all, it was Erskine Ravel. He wasn't that easy to please.

Fletcher Renn, someone she had last seen a couple of years ago and her ex, was also sat there. His spiky hair was no change, he had kept that. Of course he had. It was a part of his personality. His hair allowed him some confidence with girls. It was weird, because it had worked on her. And now it just seemed appalling. But he was there, sat with the dead men, laughing with them as if he was one of them. He had wolf whistled when she had turned back to try the door, and she had turned to shoot the boy a glare. A careful reminder that he was her ex and he was going to remain that way. However much she missed his company. She wasn't going to be won over by such terrible hair and combat pants with a blue shirt, was she?

And, of course, the culprit sat in the centre. Mr Skulduggery Pleasant himself. Dressed in a black suit, with a pure white shirt. Suit bottoms pressed to the point were creases couldn't wriggle themselves into the fabric no longer. His shoes were polished to gleam, adding to that oh so devilish glimmer to his appearance. He was wearing a façade, with black, curly hair that came in soft waves over a pair of soft eyes. There were the sharpest of cheekbones cutting his soft features. But however, what was most striking, was those lips. They were plush, baby pink and glistened with innocence. Even though the man who owned them was far from it. That one appearance was enough to send any girl spinning, but it wasn't working on Valkyrie. She wouldn't let it.

As her eyes glistened over each and everyone of them, their eyes locked on her. Drinking her in. Taking in the sight that any man rarely got to see. She however, wasn't going to let this ruin her. She reclined against the door, making sure her body was thrown forward. So they got a taster. She was going to get out of the door, regardless of what it took. Even if she had to seduce of them. Oh how she hoped she could make a fool of Skulduggery. Given the chance, she was sure she could. Her eyes locked on him, a smile playing across her lips. Skulduggery's, followed hers. Locking with them. Toying with them.

"Skulduggery." She smiled. "You seem to have _misplaced _my clothes."

"For good reason." He smiled and she began walking towards him. She was going to rile him up so much he'd beg. Then leave him. Snatching her clothes back, too. She came to a stop in front of him, her hips at an angle and her head tilted. The smile never left her. "You know, I'm not going to give them back to you."

"Why not?" She asked. "Do you like what you see?"

That earned a round of laughter.

"Who wouldn't?" He smirked.

"You're the devil." She said. "Can I please have my clothes back?" Her hand ran the collar of his shirt now, playing with it to get Skulduggery's attention. Her other hand, limply by her side. She wasn't going to lean over him, that made her look desperate. No, she stood tall, lean and demanding. His eyes lingered on that hand, before he reached to her thighs and pulled her close. Forcing her to kneel on the sofa, with his legs between hers. His gloves were warm and they were tight around her thighs. Gripping them with extreme force.

"You're not going to get those clothes back for a while. And since the door is locked, I'm sure you can entertain us." Low chuckles at this one.

"I wouldn't mind that, Valkyrie." Dexter said. "Wouldn't you rather be sat on my lap?"

"Or mine?" Saracen hinted and Ghastly cursed.

"Skulduggery's got my clothes. I want them back." She said. "Makes sense if I remain here."

"Here that boys," Skulduggery grinned, pushing his face into her throat. "She's mine."

Shouts of disappointment rang through the air, and Valkyrie's hands gripped Skulduggery's shoulders. His lips were warm and hot, running down her throat and joining her collar bone. His hands slowly working up her back. Working with something so discreetly that if Valkyrie hadn't known him, she wouldn't have suspected. But before she could stop him, the strap of her bra came loose, and one arm darted to hold it into place. Skulduggery chuckled. She was right. He was literally the devil, and he was the devil bored. The devil looking for entertainment.

"I thought I was going to see the sight of the centaury." He said, his head tilted at her with a smirk. "Again."

"_Again?!" _Dexter yelled. "No fair!"

Strong arms wrapped around Valkyrie, pulling her from Skulduggery and twisting her around to a man with messy brown hair and a blood coloured shirt. "You can wear my shirt," He said. "On one condition." Ravel had a tone she hadn't heard radiate from him before. It was deep, husky and brutal. Brittle it was, and showed the sudden arousal he felt for Valkyrie. Her chest was no longer visible, currently being drawn to Ravel's locked and lethal body. When he had spoke those words, wolf whistles were heard and she was sure it was Dexter who shouted - "Watch out the he's out!" Earning a round of laughter.

"You wear my shirt, and I get to kiss those pretty little lips of yours, fair?"

Her eyes had been locked with his all along. "Fair." She agreed and there was a round of laughter and giggles. Valkyrie turned away from the men, standing, looking back as Ravel began to unbutton his shirt. Pulling it loose of his trousers. Valkyrie bit her lip, watching him come up behind her and put his shirt over her shoulders. And that's when she let the broken bra fall. Ravel grunted into her ear, gripping her waist as he kissed her neck. Feeling her move as she buttoned the shirt around her frame. His body was tense, and she could feel a awful lot of warmth radiating from him. His left hand crept from her waist, slowly, teasingly, brushing over her centre. Causing her to hiss and grip his hair. Pulling him down to the chair, where of course, She stood over him.

"I know how much you want it, Ravel." She smiled. "You're so rash."

He groaned, feeling her lips playing with his. Not to much to call a kiss, but not far enough a way to call it nothing. He kissed her, pulling on her. Making her tumble and crash onto him. His hands gripped her hair, and his lips rashly consumed hers. Cries of unfairness rang in her ears, but all she focused on was Ravel. Ravel, so sweet and loving. With his hands gripping her ass and his body slowly but surely grinding against hers, she knew that she had him. "Come on Ravel." She grinned, biting his lower lip. "What's wrong, hm?" Her hands travelled low down his bare chest. Gently brushing the trouser line. Valkyrie made a noise between a gasp and a cry, and Ravel suddenly shuddered, groaning.

"Where's mine, Eh?" Dexter said. "You're giving him all the attention."

"Hey, hold up." Skulduggery said. "I've not got a kiss yet."

"I got nothing!" Fletcher called and Rue agreed.

"I'm happy to just watch the drama unfold," Shudder said, and that made everything stop. Even Valkyrie and Ravel. She sat up slowly, looking down at Ravel who admired her with a gleam in his eye.

"Would you mind?"

"Not at all," Ravel grinned. "Promise you'll come back though?"

"I got unfinished business down there." She indicated towards his trousers. "I'll come back." She stood, her body almost stiff from Ravel's brutal attempts. She looked at Anton, and he looked at her. "You know, Mr Shudder, that you really under estimate me."

"A good thing to do, that." He smiled. "It gets your attention."

She smiled.

"You're going to have to come over here, Miss Cain, if you think I'm going to be up to anything with such a vicious _bitch _like you."

_Oh_, he was _good _when he wanted to be.

She walked over to him, and another round of low laughter was heard. She grabbed his coat, hauling it from him and putting it over the chair he was sat on. Now it was just the shirt. "Mr Shudder, what fine cheek bones you have. I'd cut myself slapping that face - Would you like me to try?" She asked, and he smiled. She smiled back, slapping that beautiful face so hard that he flinched. Shudder didn't move for a second, but then he grabbed her and slammed her to the floor. His hair in her face, he threw away the basics. Going straight for her waist. His lips ran wild, his teeth were brutal, vicious. She bit her lip, propping herself up on her elbows, watching him as he worked at the space dangerously close to between her legs.

Dexter stood, he'd obviously watched enough. His hands pushed her down so that he could reach her chest. Her hands locked within his hair as he kissed the fabric over one mound, using his hands to work at the other. There was shuffling, and Valkyrie realised that Rue had also had enough. Bringing her face to his, he gently kissed her. And she felt him lock lips with hers so roughly that she couldn't register whether it was still him. Shudder worked well, she had to admit. She raised her hips to his lips, and he slowly, ever so slowly, got lower and lower.

Vex continued the assault on her breasts, his mouth making bruises all over her. She could tell he ached for her, especially with the way he was sat. His hips tightening without his command told her that. Valkyrie felt her hand tighten in his hair when he slackened for a moment, and he grumbled something. She wondered how long it would take for Vex to force his fellow mates off her and for him to claim her himself. It made her tight, just thinking about it. One of these men were going to try it, she knew they would. But whom was entirely a different matter.

One hand was in Rue's hair now, with him kissing her upside down, he had a strange way of kissing. It was rough, and he had managed to grab her attention with that erotic style of his. His arms supported his weight above her, but he wasn't nearly gaining as much pleasure as the rest of them. She could feel Shudder getting lower, separating her legs even further. This she didn't mind, it was what came next that made her back arch and her cry out his name. Shudder's sharp teeth retracted to his skull, and he strangled noises from Valkyrie each time now. His mouth, pressed against her heated core. Making her scream. He was more of a devil than she expected him to be.

His tongue ran straight up her core, causing her to shudder against him. Her breathing was rough, torn, erotic. Vex looked out of the corner of his eye at his friend, who continued to abuse her like she meant nothing. "You shouldn't have slapped me, Miss Cain. I can do anything to you." This made her sit up, and Shudder looked at her with a deep pant coming from the back of his throat. He was wild. A wild, turned on beast. She gritted her teeth, her eyes narrowed. Her fingers clutching Skulduggery's carpet. He watched her for a long moment, before uttering the words- "Want me to continue on? In here?"

"You're choice, Shudder." She said, panting.

"Skulduggery's glaring." Shudder smirked. "He doesn't like it that I've had my tongue this close to you."

"Then its time for me, as it is?" He asked, standing. "Get down on your back, Valkyrie."

"No." She said defiantly.

"Do it."

"No."

Skulduggery gripped her, slamming her down, tearing away the last remnant of his underwear. Valkyrie felt herself ache. It was Skulduggery now. And he was ruthless. He'd take her. He wouldn't care. He'd take her right in front of all the dead men. "Skulduggery," She said, a hand in his hair, trying to pull him into a kiss. But to no advantage. Skulduggery took on what Shudder had done, only this time, nothing stood in the way of him and her core. She screamed a cry, Skulduggery's tongue coiling at her like a snake. Causing her hips to buckle. "You bastard." She said, laying flat again on her back, her legs open and her mouth wide. Her arms covering her face.

"You're so wet, Valkyrie." Skulduggery said. "Look at you, you're soaked."

Her hips ground softly into his mouth, pushing her core at his tongue. Her hand was still knotted in his hair, and Skulduggery complied with her. She was red hot, wet and needing. She needed him, he could tell. "Skulduggery…" She said. The tongue touched where she wanted him to be. "Don't- No." She cried out again. "Ah…Skulduggery…" His lips came away, and suddenly, she felt a hand replace them. Valkyrie's back arched, feeling them enter and play. She couldn't take much more from him. It hurt. It hurt so much. She wanted what was in his pants, she couldn't care about the rest. She wanted him to ride her so hard she was ground into the floor.

"Restrain her." He said, and hands gripped hers.

"I'm going to…_Oh_ my god I'm really going to…"

The belt on his jeans loosened, and what had been restrained was let free. Valkyrie wasn't surprised by what she saw - he was huge. He had to be. It was Skulduggery, after all. His teeth were gritted. "What are you going to do?" She asked him, feeling his hips push at hers. He hadn't pushed himself inside her yet, no. Not yet. Whilst he wanted to, he wanted to so desperately. He didn't. He let Valkyrie touch him first, gripping him so tightly that the already painful upwards curve his length made was worsened. "More." He ordered. And she pumped him slowly, tough and rough. Just the way he liked it. "You dirty little…" He growled, and she watched him pull _her _on top of _him. Making _her work him even more.

There was someone behind her, someone curving his body over hers, his fists on the floor to support himself. It was Dexter. Grinding his hips and the bulge into her. Valkyrie removed her hand from Skulduggery's length. Instead, she pushed herself into it, grinding herself against him. Dexter pushed his bulge into her ass. She grumbled and cursed, these men we well trained in this area of seduction, and they all were going for her. At the same time. She pushed Dexter off, and stripped Skulduggery of his trousers.

"You fools." She said sweetly.

They all stared at her as she rose from the ground.

"Never got it, did you?" She asked, her voice husky. "I stripped you all off, got what I needed." She put on Skulduggery's trousers, him watching her all the while - Scowl on that pretty little face of his. She done his trousers up at the belt, pulling it tight around her waist. She adjusted Ravel's shirt, then sauntered over to the chair Anton had been sat in, grabbing his coat and pulling it over her shoulders. "This is one big scandal, you know?" She said. "All the dead men, two of which are elders and a hotel owner - A detective too, you do realise what would happen if this got out, yes? There would be scandal. Even up to the point where you lured me into the room. But Shudder's tongue? Vex's hands? Skulduggery's hips? We're all in trouble." She said, she reached over to Skulduggery, her hands playing with his collar and that skewed tie.

"All because you stole my clothes." She smirked, then turned. "Any way, I've got to get back upstairs. Now that I'm fully dressed, I feel my need here is no longer sustainable."

"Nope." Dexter said. "Neither is my will to _ever _have a threesome with Skulduggery again."

"You _wanted _to do that?" Skulduggery said.

"I thought it would be fun."

"No." He said. "You were in my way."

"Oh."

"Wow." Shudder said. "And I thought she'd give in."

"What a devil." Said a voice - it was Ghastly. "Didn't you all see it? Or were you to busy gaining pleasure?"

"They're hormonal teenagers, not even I would have fallen for that." Fletcher said.

"I didn't get much anyway." Rue said. "But I'm also screwed."

"So you are."

"My god, Valkyrie." Ghastly said. "Tanith taught you well."

"_What?" _Came a chorus of voices.

"Didn't you know?" Ghastly said. "Tanith taught Valkyrie to seduce a man. _Any _man."

"Jesus." Dexter said.

"Wow." Ravel said. "What the hell are we suppose to do?"

"Try not to disappoint me and nobody finds out." She smiled.

"Fair." Shudder shrugged, standing.

"Alright," Rue said.

"So," Skulduggery asked, standing. He wore nothing but that white shirt, which was loose at the collar. He looked like he'd just got out of bed, the black hair was coiled in a messy mass up on his head. His head tilted at an angle. He watched her with such a mysterious look in his eyes, one that was wondrous. Something you could never quite place your finger upon. This was Skulduggery Pleasant after all, he was a man that never let his emotions see through him. And after almost sleeping with his best friend and apprentice, there wasn't anything he could open his mouth and righteously say. Valkyrie was always someone who clouded even the likes of him, but now everything was muddled. The men around him would go back to normal, because this was no different to the days of the war. But Valkyrie? She was new to such a filthy game. He had no idea how she'd turn out. "What are _you _going to do, Valkyrie?" He asked, after a long pause.

"You, after all, started this. Where are you going to go with it?"

"I'm going to have another shower," She said, like it barely happened. "You?"

"Might join you."

"You take the bath." She grinned. "Shower is mine."

"I don't like baths. I can't ever wash my hair properly." He grumbled.

"Then you'll wait."

"No,"

"No?"

"No." He said and Fletcher stood and walked up to Skulduggery, realising this was his queue. "I'm taking a shower first."

"I'll pick you up later Val'," Fletcher said. "So long as you promise one kiss. Nothing more. We don't want you cheating again, do we?"

"No." She answered, not letting emotion creep in.

X….


End file.
